Everything matters | Day 189 of my 2023 Journal

We are spending time with Janet Attwood, author of “The Passion Test” these days, a fun and wise soul. My husband used to work for her; she is the Godmother of the Attwood children and still works closely with her ex-husband, the current husband of my friend Doris, the mother in the household here in Hagen. My children and I were the only ones who had not spent time with Janet.

I enjoy it. Janet has an uplifting and joyful rebel energy, very much like my own, and I enjoy all of her wisdom as much as I enjoy all of her jokes. It feels somewhat like my relation to my friend since forever Jonatan: Our understanding of how the Universe works seems to be the same.

One big difference, though, is Janet is not shy about saying exactly how she sees things. She is a teacher. I, on the other hand, am more silent and shy, afraid of people's judgment - will they think I am crazy? Will they still like me? So, I only let it out in safe spaces and rarely talk or write about it - about what you might call God (even this sentence), about synchronicity, about reading the signs, about our eternal soul, about visions and intuition.

I am working on this problem head-on at the moment, as I have embarked on a journey of writing a book about exactly this topic: How it all works and how we find our balance throughout life. It is confronting. There is a lot of inner work to do meanwhile to keep up with the process.

My “The One Thing” I do is to meditate daily; others are listening to dreams, listening to God, and doing full Ashtanga yoga as often as possible.

This morning I had a wonderfully weird dream. We lived somewhere, and we didn’t as we were still nomads - and as dreams can hold two co-existing realities -I was going somewhere with only Fjord, but all paperwork for everyone mattered, and in the end, I was going by myself for a while. The paper was mixed with eggs; I remember clearly an element of the dream, where I thought I had found the missing passport for our poodle - a new passport made of brown paper and in A4 size, one I thought I had packed but didn’t and had to go back to find, backtracking my days. In a pile by the kitchen sink, I found it, I thought, but when I opened the brown box, it was a package of eggs completely covered with paper matter. Finally, we found it, and Fjord and I left for the train. He got onto the train, not knowing he could not bring the supermarket cart he had with him, all of his possessions in no bag, he collected them one by one from the cart, and for some reason, I never made it on the train. And the one thing he did not have with him was his phone. When I told Jesper, he just leaned face first to a wall in a giving-up style of body language. Ultimately, I thought he knew his name and our website and would find our phone numbers, so I did not panic.

Right about there, I woke up, and it was clear to me the dream was about preparing and organizing enough for the journey to be a good one. This, I mean, in all the ways I can imagine. All of the levels. All of the ways you may interpret the word: journey.

It also taught me my One Thing* can easily be another thing: I do not need to be too attached to my meditation practice. The message will find its way through in whatever way works best.

The story resonates perfectly with a thing Janet said yesterday, something I have to think more about. She said: “I believe everything matters.”

She said it in the context of organized spaces, how it matters to have all of your space in excellent order - but obviously, it applies to everything else. Earlier in the day, she had told us that Maharishi, the Great Leader of the TM movement, said we need to let go of our clothes once a year because we change, and the clothes pick up vibrations and hold us back.

I agree. I do agree. At the same time, I know it can be overdone, hence my working title on the book: “The Balance.” I sometimes need to leave some chaos; if my space needs to be perfect at all times, it can become obsessive, and if I believe I can not re-boot the energy of clothes, stuff, spaces with music, vibes, oils, song - I might have to do a van conversion each year. About the clothes, my wise youngest son added: You could also shake off the energies of the past once a year, not needing to change your possessions!

Everything matters, yes. My friend with the high-vibration chocolate, Mads, phrased this differently when he said: “I believe in everything, all of it” when discussing crystals and healing and organized spaces and all of that. It is another way of putting it.

But I believe we also need to chill. And find the balance, where our life flow is not obstructed by undone matter, suppressed emotions or dreams, old energy sticking to us, fears haunting us and limiting and especially not the two extremes: laziness and obsession. This question is fascinating and needs a lot of space to be covered.

First, let’s think about it. Where is the balance? Where do we begin? 

Everything matters. This is a blessing. It means we can do something about big things by doing seemingly small things in our personal space or energy, and the ripple effects will do a lot of work behind the scenes.

What matters the most is we stay alert and awake spiritually; we stay alive and present and ready to enjoy the journey of life. That we can engage in a state of flow and love, trusting what we do and don’t do to be the “right” choices. “Everything matters” can be an uplifting experience of knowing all we do will have an effect or a stressful idea that everything we don’t do perfectly will pull us down. It is our own choice and responsibility to choose and stay focused.

Love and light

Cecilie Conrad

Thank you for reading
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