Cancer survivor - Finding meaning in life

Should I believe there is a purpose to everything I see, my priest gown would be for sale. But I think there may be a meaning in something – Christian, Hospital Priest.

About surviving

There are many who have asked me to write something about how I survived – and how our family got through it. And I also really want to share it. But I cannot write a unified and concise text about the period. It is a life event that meant so much, filled so much, was so violent, and took such deep traces both into our further lives and deep into our value foundation.

It is impossible at least for me.

Instead, I will share small chunks of the story with you continuously, quite concisely, and practically: as I think about them and have time to write about them.

Here’s one – about the phrase: There’s always a meaning; there’s always a purpose. Because in our family, that doesn’t mean there is a meaning in everything that happens; it means that inside what is happening, there is some sense to be found. And if we go after it, we get to create meaningfulness in the small and big events of our lives – which is way more valuable than one can imagine.

It needs to be practiced for a longer time, insistently, and consistently to really unfold.

Two years later - with a miracle baby and an espresso in Andalusia, Spain

You can always find something meaningful.

This is a small saying that means a lot in my life. When I was hospitalized with cancer, my husband asked for all the help and support he could raise. That is why he also asked me to speak to the hospital priest Christian Busck.

Surprisingly, the hospital priest came just at the same time as my good friend Susanne Voss, who is also a priest. And Christian said that in his entire career, he had not previously experienced two priests together at one hospital bed.

I know I’m going to die. I do not know when

We talked a little about it how it was to get cancer and be so close to dying. I said that to me, the shock was not so great.

My life has always been in the hands of God, and it still is.

A life-threatening illness had taken over my bone marrow, sending fake blood around my veins, so even tiny bacilli or fungal spores in the wrong place could basically kill me in a matter of hours.

I felt crazily miserable, was terribly sick, and had been like that for a long time – but now I knew what was going on.

Christian and I talked about the shock; you get when you get a life-threatening disease; I said:

‘I know I’m going to die. I don’t know when it’s my turn, but I know my life is in God’s hands. It always has been, and so it is now. I think there are meanings and a connection, and I know I will never understand it. God has a plan, and it’s not my job to understand the plan; it’s just my job to be able to play my part in it. ‘

Christian answered something wise and much more precisely:

“I don’t mean to say that there is a meaning to something. If I think there is a meaning to everything I see in my work, my priest gown would be for sale. But I think there may be a meaning in something.”

He said no more.

He then changed the subject to the number of priests at the hospital bed and left shortly after. He didn’t explain his words any deeper – but his words helped me deeply in my fight against cancer.

May the sun shine on you

Cecilie Conrad